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August 4, 2011 / Prof Cupcake.

captain america you sadden me

I am not usually the most patriotic of Americans, but when it comes to senselessly applauding Chris Evan’s Captain America I am in fact ever so guilty. However for those who are worried I’m going to fly on back home and become a card carrying NRA member fear not, most of my vocal admiration for Captain America lies in my profound respect for his marbled abs and defined jaw. Take these out of the film and im not sure I would have remained awake long enough to be able to write even the semblance of a review. Captain America follows WW2 soldier hopeful Steve Rogers, a skinny boy with a laundry list of personal ailments who just really want to fight. Yet Uncle Sam seems less keen, and time and time again Steven Rogers finds himself denied his chance to fight. Till along comes Fairy Godmother Stanely Tucci as Einstein esq Dr. Erskin a sort of modern jeklyn doctor has a super soldier serum that can turn a man into an almost god. After being the one and only man to qualify for the procedure we watch with envy and admiration as Steve enters an iron lung and emerges as a man who can give Adonis a run for his money. Yet no sooner is his transformation complete when a HYDRA agents (sort of a splinter group from Hitler) attacks the team of scientists and destroys the lab. Now the newly made Captain America finds him self fatherless and in need of a vocation… see apparently being a soldier who can out run a car and jump over huge fences is not good enough and the America army decides to use him as a poster boy for war bonds. Captain America of course wants to avenge the death of his maker and save Europe from Hydra and Hilter and from the RED SKULL, a crazy man with a silly face. It’s from here that the films falls apart most spectacularly. The issues begin right after Steve’s transformation into a muscled man. Chris Evans, a man accustomed to being the recipient of many an envious gaze is unable to perform the part of a dork who suddenly finds himself almost impossibly attractive. Of course the fault is not Chris Evan’s alone, the script seems to have been mindless churned out by some people who forgot that the central element of any story should be character development. Explosions, and guns, and pecs the size of dinner plates are all well and good but if the film lacks heart its dead before it begins. The script does not allow for any exploration of Steven’s new identity and essentially all character development ends the moment Steven’s biceps become large then his brains. For a film that started with such promise, all character exploration seems to have faded in the interest of including as many scenes of Chris Evans in spandex as possible. There is no turmoil within the character of Captain America, no exploration, no joy. For this reason the film not only stagnates but fails to engage the viewers interest as anything more then a popcorn munching spectacle. The film is also accidentally peppered with hilarious moments that are not meant to be funny. Its always a sign of a bad film with the audience is laughing at the scenes you now were meant to be serious. In the end, captain America, is like so many of our other post 9/11 patriotic pieces of propagandist shit that fail to actually engage the viewer/user, in any meaningful way. It’s like watching Toby keith’s RED WHITE AND BLUE over and over again, a song that just makes me sad to be American.

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