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April 30, 2010 / Prof Cupcake.

NEW ZEALAND: final days

Queens town = no queens = total fail.

Kelly and I went for a ragger, and were the only ones who did so, in all of queens town. It’s sort of nice to have a club all to yourself. Makes you feel like a rocker. But you still have to pay for drinks, so you end up just feeling like you have hit rock bottom.

Well we were the only ones there till we met Mr. switch hitter. He was a self proclaimed “straight shooter” euphemism or admission of being a serial killer? We were unsure. In part because he would call the kelster beautiful and then try to run his hands over my very defined ab(s), which if I have forgotten to mention I have taken to calling jerry Bruckheimer.

Christchurch, neither a Christ nor a church, discuss.

This is not the concrete jungle of which dreams are made of. This is not much of a city. More of an endless industrial mistake that sort of sprawls like fat rolls. There is a great square called sol square, where you can drink and dance in fun and eclectic pubs filled to the brim with arrogant army boys, but hey there army boys, they get to wear fun outfits.

We uh… well we did a lot of shopping and after turning in Gemaine, our faithful stead, it was sort of hard to keep up the fun express. We all said we would write one spotanious gemaine poem. Here is mine:

Gemaine! You steed of light,

How often I felt safe

Swaddled in you blue rentedness

You were more then a friend

Which is why, when scorned

You gave Kelly a hilarious disease.

So Kelly’s disease may not be hilarious, but she got all sick and stuff, in our car and well como se dice, stranger danger. After the girls left me, and our hostel, which was, let me tell you a fucking shit hole with a bed that sounded like a freight train every time you fucking moved and company there were creepy as, I went of to find my friend Daniel from burning man.

He’s living with his brother and their friends and the worlds most adorable, some what crazy cat. After a painful night boozing and wandering in a rose garden, Daniel and I hit the open road to hitchhike to the moracki boulders. Which are well, large boulders on the beach. They are much cooler then they sound.

The trip down involved being forced to listen to Kesha on repeat thanks to chris, our shotgun happy army buddy. (I mean who drives around with like 3 shotguns.) normally all rave as hard as anyone to kasha but after like 4 fucking hours of tik tok I was read to tik take a gun and shoot myself in the face.

Full moon, endless stars long beach + huge fucking boulders = epic camp site.

Lack of fire, no food and water, forgot the sleeping bag = epic camp fail.

Cold as, but no one died, cept my toes, they have never ever ever been so cold in their entire life.

The morning was lovely, till we went for a walk and I finally saw a penguin! YAY! It was dead and flopping in the surf. Fail.

The trip back was how do I say the best thing ever. We got picked up by RANAMA, a crazy ex-crack smoking hippy mother of three, (needless to say they all have different dads) who was on her way to a family party where ever one had to dress as something beginning with the letter P. (as I am sure you all want to know, her daughter, Tequilla, named after the rose not the bevy… DUH… was going as a princess, aw sweet! Her son was a pimp, her older son a prostitute and she was drawing a pussy on her face. Priceless) for being sort of crazy she was totally incredible. Lovely and well meaning we rocked out to Whitney Huston, did not play any kasha, stopped for romps in the park, read each others future, went to have coffee with her old crack friends, (they have cleaned up their act and have a baby! A really cute baby) Went to see her oldest son’s family, had a nice walk…. The drive took all day and I would have had in no other way.

And then it was back in Christchurch it time to make muffins and head to the airport. Which is where I am now. There is a kid who is defs dying from swine flu like three rows behind me, and this fat man who is carrying a massive red alligator teddy bear thing. Its classy.

All in all new Zealand is Sweet as. Something I feel I can now say as I finally met some one who says it.


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