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April 21, 2010 / Prof Cupcake.

Oh my GATOS i love this country

South island CONTINUED:

For a much more indepth review see kat and kelly’s entry, they cover most everything in a sauce of delicious detail, something I will be unable to do, as I have had my far share of rum and am yearning for sleep town. But here are the some highlights as I see them.

Franz Joseph Glacier:

There are glaciers in New Zealand. Big ones. Like carve out a landscape as if stone was cheese big. Most of them came hurdling through south island at the steady rate of (sometimes up to) 7 km a day some eons ago. (I know SPEED DEAMONS, like the grannies of the New Zealand Roads.) but some sort of hung around. (Like that guy who just wont leave at a party, or pimples on a tween.) The Franz Joseph glacier which for a reasonable price, sort of, you can hike on, is one of them. It is awesome.

Though I often want to, I have rarely felt like a borrower. It may be because I am 6 feet tall, or that things are not novelty sized but standing on the epic, awe inspiring, fright inducing massive ice cube like glacier that is Franz Joseph I felt truly dwarfed and inconsequential. (The bottom most part of the glacier as well is responding now to weather conditions that existed up to 15 years ago. Its this massive slow moving calendar of what precipitation was like in the mountains of New Zealand years ago.) They tell me that compared to the distances between stars or even the space between planets in our own solar system I am small, but truly nothing has been as dwarfing as unending views of blue and white ice going on for miles in a lush green valley. (oh yeah, franz Joseph is in a tropical rainforest….. UH new zealand climate fail.

However I will admit, that I was not only afraid of how the glacier dwarfted my sense of self. There were some regulation redwoods on that hunk of ice that day and I was at time worried they were going to melt it with their HAWTNESS.


Between Frany Franz and Wannakka, a town which is surprisingly chalk full of designer outdoor boutiques, there is very little. Except for Lake Mattheson, which is a rather large except. In the way only new Zealand can, a lake became more serene if not expressive and evocative that millions of pounds of ice. It was beautiful. After what was supposed to be an hour walk, try 3, f-u New Zealand and your assumption that I am in peek physical condition, (oh I guess this is a good time to mention that TEAM game plan Australia body is in full swing. Our plan is as follows, stop being such sloths and eating entire towns out of grain waves. Grain waves are like golden fields of dreams pressed, baked and flavored with love, devotion and sour cream and onion flavoring. They are exactly like sun chips, only with designs on making us plus sized. Since we can not give up the grain waves, (CAN A MAN GIVE UP BREATHING!) we are taking to exercising a bit, but the stupidly scenic views, vista points and general lazy-ness are getting in the way.)

After leaving the love of Lake Matthason we ended up in Wanakka. The town is small, the people are friendly and the hostel was lovely. There was the most heinous man I have ever seen there, he was all stocky and jacked with a nose like a parrot and just ew. Like total ew, like I would rather watch saw or burn out my eyeballs then see him again. But I guess I should not make jokes about my eyes because there is foul wiccan workings afoot.

Kelly and Kat, but mainly Kelly, have taken to cursing me at night, and some times at the day, with the curse of pink eye. This is not a joke. It keeps me up at night, it makes me afraid. They mutter under their breath, they point at my face, they saw weird things. I fear for my life. I thought that this trip was going to be fun and relaxing. OH NO, it has turned into a massive Shelton has pink eye joke. I was I was like galdalf and could sleep with one eye open. (think I’m kidding, Kelly once broke a girls arm using only her mind and ill will. Need further proof? WHY YES I DO SHELTON. Well Kat keeps breaking nails… CONICIDECE OR KELLY. I rest my airtight case.

Te Amu: (or something, te anu, or te anun… im not sure.) (whatevs)

Here is where the milford sound is. WAIT. HERE IS WHERE WE DISCOVERED LIKE 3 MAJOR FITTIES IN OUR HOSTEL. They are Scottish and lawers and sups prets, much like the milford sound which I guess, all things considered is slightly more incredible than their chiseled jaw lines. (mainly because its filled with chiseled cliff faces) but there are also sea lions, which are adorable, and endless waterfalls, (TLC suck it, you don’t need to chase waterfalls in Milford sound they chase you) set amongst some of the most ethereal and magical (not Kelly daemon magic, but you know fairies and Narnia and harry potter, basically good magic)  landscapes you have ever seen. The entire world was shrouded in mist which undulated amongst the valleys in languid full bodied ripples.


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