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April 15, 2010 / Prof Cupcake.

Wellington: not the home of wellie

I am not as competent as I thought I was when it comes to driving on the other side of the road. It is rather tragically different. But that said it was only several death screams from Kat and Kelly before we showed up at Wellingson’s Base hostel. A base hostel is the sort of place one could except to find a new breed of garbage consuming bugs. They would make their home in old beer bottles and crust filled pizza boxes and hold bi monthly town meetings in the corners of mold encrusted shower stalls. However, luckily for them, they would not have to pay the incredible prices to live in such luxury. The upside of the Base hotel is that it is filled with Redwoods and as the elevators are well known to break down all the time, there is always the chance that you might end up getting lucky while stuck in a potential coffin. Wellington itself however is great. It’s like the love child of Seattle and San Fran, windy, arty and green. The men are beautiful the women fashionable and the prices exorbitant. There is a museum there that is rather great called Te Papa. (I love it when you call me Te Papa.) it is filled with everything, including this semen helmet that they get bird handlers to wear in hopes that these super endangered flightless birds will jizz all over it and then they can impregnate some of the lady birds with it. (as of yet it has not worked… this species is not dedicated to survival, I mean are they not willing to take one for the species team? I imagine jizzing on a hat would be a rather embarrassing story to tell your grand children but at least you would have some. There was also the worlds lamest animatronics candy shop experience, which included a bizarre film montage of new Zealand history and a cow being eviscerated…. The rest of the day was spent in the very cultural experience of shopping. They have lots of great vintage stores and even though some of them smelled like burnt old cheese, you know like the cheese from the back of the griddle that has been cooked and over cooked again and again, they are all rather amazing. Lots of Egyptian prints and pea coats. I want a pea coat. They are my new obsession. We tried to go see a play. Epic failed, but drank all their free wine and then kat and I went dancing. Which was a rather tragic experience. There were all these 18 year old gap year girls there which were painful to watch as they played drinking game after drinking game. Only there drinking game recuired them all to lay on the stank beer floor and place their legs over their heads. Dumb bitches. All of these sqeeze balls took photos of their asses and the poor girls just kept drinking. However as I guess they are like fresher’s I don’t find this to shocking. If I remembered more of my first year I am sure I would have found myself a similar dirty hot mess.

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